I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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