They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
