i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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