she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
