i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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