Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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