Sry I called you an 8
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
