I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
