You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
