im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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