i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
