I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
