I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
