Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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