the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
