Jerry, you need to find god
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
