I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
