just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
