i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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