he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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