So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
