Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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