lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
