Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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