I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
