We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
