don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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