That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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