i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
