I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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