They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
