TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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