There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize