...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
