omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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