You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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