I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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