Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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