"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
