After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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