Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
