Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
