I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
