When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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