Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
