After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
