Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
