YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
