I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
