The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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