If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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