i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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