She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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