So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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