I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
