a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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