You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is my gift to your gina
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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