Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
