can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
