it's like iHOP with fire
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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