You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
