Having a random hookup so left but love u
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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