i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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