my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
