ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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