You're so nebulous sometimes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
