I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
