I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
