either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We are all done wearing pants today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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