dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
