So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
