yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
