did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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