My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need a burrito and a hug.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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