Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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