In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
