Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
