im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
