ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
